The clock reads 4:37AM. I sit in the hospital too eager to sleep. My life is about to change forever, and the anticipation is already shaping our schedules, causing us to live in a different manner, and generally making us ponder life differently.
I kept the Christmas lights twinkling on the house and tree tonight because we are coming home with an additional ‘member of the band’.
As I sang the National Anthem at the SIU Arena just before 6:00PM, I did not have the nation on my mind as I normally do. As I rushed home, scrubbed the dishes, put the bed sheets in the dryer, fed the cat, and made sure the rest of the house was perfect for the new arrival, I thought to myself how ready I am to meet him, how exciting it is to be doing dishes and laundry right now, and that these next few days, nothing can ruin.
Sleep can wait because we’ve waited long enough... 41 weeks to be exact. He’s stubborn like his momma (better yet, like his dad). I didn’t always feel this way though.
I wondered when we first found out, if everyone goes through these emotions. He was definitely a surprise, and I was definitely scared and unprepared. We find out we are having a baby in November last April, and my wife is bringing home the only consistent income we have, has a master’s degree, and works at Kohl’s... but God.
Through this time, the Lord has brought Mallory and I closer together, provided for us in this new chapter of our lives, vocationally and socially, as we went from fear to faith in a matter of weeks to be honest.
It seemed like only yesterday, (10 months ago) we sat in a gas station in Springfield, IL bawling our eyes out in fear, panic, surprise, and confusion. I had to get a real job, I needed to move on from this fantasy of being a full-time musician, because now I have another human life that I will be providing for.
Then Mallory, the voice of reason as she mainly is, reminded me that we live life by God’s timing and that his timing is perfect. Why would he call us to step down from full-time jobs only to get jobs again less than a year later? We had to heed his plan, continue in his will, and walk in faith. He is the centerpiece of this marriage and family, and he will guide our path. All we need to do is remain faithful. In my new altered thinking, God is providing us with someone to help complete our family, and change our lives for the better forever.
At the end of 2016, I mentioned that 2017 would be my year, and I believe there was so much truth in that statement. I’m going to be a father, I’m in the best shape of my life (down 82 pounds), I took steps to better my mental health by seeing a Christian counselor, I’m making the best music I ever have, and now I have another reason to do what I love, and with God’s will, take life to another level.
The clock reads 5:06AM. Pitocin in less than two and a half hours. A new day comes as we anxiously await. The quiet will breed chaos and commotion soon. I try and picture the future events in my head as I often do. Will they reflect my imagination? Time will only tell. The sun will be up soon, and my son will be here soon. I will try to sleep, but no promises...